I feel a little like a rubber band that has been pulled back, pulled back, pulled back, and heaven help the poor soul who is standing in front of me when it finally snaps. I try my best to put on a good act in front of others, to play it cool. I'm all, "What, I may or may not be 9 months pregnant, it's no big deal". The truth is that I am freaking out. I keep waiting for some sense of calm to come over me, but I can only seem to find that calm in those silent moments in the early early morning when it's just me and my daydreams when my mind is too tired to really latch on to the worries but still awake enough to grasp the excitement. The rest of the day I am 100% losing my mind. I'll be happy when I can switch from losing my mind over things falling through to losing my mind over did my baby eat enough ya know. I suspect it will be equally crazy making but a whole different kind of fear.
Slowly but surely, the excitement and anticipation is outweighing the feeling of not being prepared. The majority of the stuff has been purchased, borrowed, or planned for and we are mentally coming to grips with what the next few weeks may bring. H must have been having that unprepared feeling as much as I was because he signed us up for an infant childcare class that met last night. It did my heart good to know that he took the initiative to do that and thank goodness he did. Holy unpreparedness. We learned a ton of great information, most of which I didn't even realize I was missing. As we walked in the door and looked at a room full of hugely pregnant women don't think I didn't practically yell out, "We're ADOPTING" . Even one comment along the lines of, "When are you due?" would have seen me heading for the hills so I was quick to set the record straight.
The class was super informative and sparked a lot of good conversation between the two of us about how we feel about certain newborn related topics that until now just seemed so far away that it was pointless to even discuss them. Things like circumcision. I am leaning towards wanting to do it and he's leaning towards taking a pass. I guess I just feel like you never really hear anyone who regrets that their parents did it, but you do sometimes here someone who doesn't have it done who wishes the old snip snip would have taken place before they were aware of what was happening. I don't however feel strongly enough about it to make a case (and I don't actually think there's a right or wrong decision) so I think I'll go with whatever the penis holder of the family thinks. I was sure however to make it clear that this is the one and only time that his penis will dictate the he gets to out vote me. :)
We decided to wash just a few of the little things we have for the baby like his coming home from the hospital outfit and a couple of little snuggly things and keep the tags on the rest just in case. To see H hold up a little newborn sleeper so delicately and examine the tiny snaps made my heart want to jump out of my chest. I wish I could find the right words to describe it, but the only word that I can think of to even begin to explain it is more. It's just more than I could have imagined I'd feel. If that's how I feel when he holds a dang sleeper I can't imagine how I'll feel when he finally holds our baby.
So that's where I stand. Hanging in, freaking out, moments of calm, tons of excitement, and lots of prayers. That pretty much sums it up.
I'm a girl in her early 30's (I refuse to change this wording by the way...I don't care how old I get) who dreams of the family that I will someday have and desperately want. I have been blessed with a husband who is beyond what I could have ever dreamt for myself, but I'm still waiting on the final piece to our puzzle...a baby. Welcome to my journey. * WARNING * This opening is way sweeter and less sarcastic than what you can expect to get on this blog...seriously, you've been warned.
19 comments:
Ahh, the great penis debate of 2011 :) I can't even imagine all the thoughts swirling around in your heads! Funny thing is, is that we are all going nuts over this with you!! And praying so hard! I hope the weather cooperates tomorrow, because I need to see you and give you this baby boy stuff that is burning a hole in Samantha's closet :) I can bring sedatives if you like. Nothing like a sedative with your morning coffee...:)
I'm grinning ear to ear just reading this. But hell, you already knew that. :)
As for the circumcision debate, I let E make that decision too. He ended up opting for the circ because then Mac's penis will look like daddy's penis and not be confusing ever. I liked that rationale. Plus, I'll admit, foreskin is daunting to me.
Oh, I'm just so excited for you!!! I agree with letting the penis holder make the circumcision decision. He will have stronger feelings about it than you do and is totally the only decision the penis gets to out vote!
I'm so unbelievably happy and excited for you two! And you have every place and every right to be losing your mind right now! Take care of yourselves, and get through/enjoy this time in whatever way works best for you two. Don't give two shakes to what anyone else thinks. This is your time!!! :)
I AM JUST BEYOND THE MOON! I don't even know how to express how I am feeling for you, I guess maybe it is like how you are feeling like minus 20% or so. My heart is swelling just thinking of all the things you will get to experience so soon and I wish it was going to start today for you.
Oh thought of the morning for you! Remember to tuck his peter downward each time you change his diaper. This took me a while to learn and we had lots of pee at interesting angles on his clothes. It is crazy what those things can do. And remember to keep that fella covered. Even with your hand as you reach for wipes and what not. I only got peed on twice, so hopefully you will beat my numbers.
I'm freaking out excited every time I see a new post from you!! :) :) Can't wait until you get to see Hung holding the little one. :)
I just emailed you some great info about the pros/cons of the circumcision debate. Hope it helps!
Eeee! Cannot contain the excitement. I think about you ALL THE TIME. It's insane.
I agree - penis owner should have the most say in the circumcision decision.
Such an exciting time! Isn't it amazing to see your spouse swoon as much as you over a little person?
Everytime I see a post from you I'm jumping out of my skin yelling he's here! He's here, the baby came early. Hubs is already telling me to shut it and just be patient. Smiling from ear to ear on this post....especially the great penis debate. My cousin didn't get circumsized till 25, he still thinks it was the most painful thing he has ever endured.
Eeeeeee! So excited for you!!!
It's weird how much I love you and I've only met you on computer.
Ok after I published that last comment I realized how stalker-ish it sounds. What I MEANT was that I am so invested in this story and your baby and so unbelievably happy for you!! There's the translation. I'm not crazy.
Is it weird that I have been thinking about you more today than my RE appt on Friday that I have been waiting impatiently for 4 months? I am so, so happy for you!
I've been trying not to get into the circ thing, buuuuut I will say that almost no one in my family is circ'ed, including my husband and sons. I let Nik make that decision since, yeah, he's the one with the penis :) At this point, having read a lot on the matter, I'm actually rather anti-circ myself. It just doesn't provide the health benefits people usually say it does (studies have gone all over the place in their results), it's not endorsed by any national medical community as being necessary, and depending on where you look you might see that an average of about 200 babies a year die in the US from circ related complications, such as blood loss and cardiac arrest. Also only about 25% of boys are being circ'ed in the US right now, as opposed to about 75% when we were born. Sorry, trying not to rant about it! If y'all choose to keep him intact and you need any info on what to do with an intact penis, shoot me an email :) Actually really easy to care for!
Wow...just reading about his 'coming home outfit' gives me chills. I can't believe this is all going to happen ANYTIME now!!!
Wash the clothes. You're not going to have time to be doing mad laundry when he comes home. I didn't wash the clothes before bringing my daughter home, and it was a mad rush to get laundry done and put away, and she may have spent a few hours naked, wrapped in a blanket, while we frantically did a load of laundry.
Re: circumcision, we decided (if it was a boy) we'd do whatever the majority of newborns were getting. That way we'd just go with the cultural "norm". My doula thought this was a HORRIBLE idea, and was all like "don't let social norms dictate what you believe!" but... isn't that how we live in a society? Isn't that why everyone circumcised anyways?
The majority aren't circumcising anymore, and it looks like in another few years it will be very strange to be circumcised.
I am so excited for you.
I am so effing excited for you it's ridiculous!
As far as the circ goes, it's easier to do as an infant than later in life. I have a friend that decided not to circ her son, then changed her mind when he was one. It's much more traumatizing the older they are. So, find all the info you need to commit one way or the other now. Good luck!
OH MY GOODNESS, how much has happened while I turned around for five minutes - I am beyond excited for you!
Your description of your feelings are so sweet and heartfelt. Aw, MMM! Savour every moment.
I had two cups of coffee this morning and it didn't do half as much for my mood as reading this post did. E, I am so over-the-moon for you....many, many moons actually. I read your comment about seeing H hold up that sleeper and honestly, my chest ached with happiness b/c I can imagine it. I cannot wait to hear more...you need to just keep posting things every two to three hours out here so we can all stay up to date and live vicariously through you. (and Josey of course) Congratulations!
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