So I tend to get quite on the blogs (and in real life) when I don't want to lie to you and yet I don't feel ready to talk about what's going on. A couple of you have e-mailed asking if something was up (thank you for noticing that I was quite these last couple of weeks BTW...love that). The truth is that we did have something in the works on the adoption front, but unfortunately it took a sharp right turn last week (over a cliff) and it's just not all sorted out yet. The odds are very good that there will be nothing new or positive to report, but we just need to know that for sure before we can share it.
H and I decided after the last adoption fell through that the next time something came up we would keep it to ourselves until the last second. It was just so devastating for us to watch our friends and families be so sad for us and it just seemed to compound the hurt we were already feeling. If you would ask our families they would say that they would be devastated for us a hundred times over if it meant they got to be there to support us (we're really lucky), but we just really felt that this time we needed to keep it close. Sometimes all you want to do is put things out of your head and be in denial (even when you're expecting something great) and you really can't do that when your sister is calling to check in on "what's new". So as much as their support is so amazing and so appreciated, we felt like it was just better to try and keep it private.
It's so hard because I talk to my mom every single day sometimes several times a day (yeah, I'm that girl). To have such a big secret that you want to share so badly has been torture. Now that things have taken a turn for the shit though I really am grateful that I was able to spare a lot of my family that pain. I did eventually let my mom in on what was going on, but only in the last week.
Is that cryptic enough for ya?? :) I'm so sorry to be like that. I hate that I can share so many personal things on this blog and then have to pull back sometimes and be so private. It's kind of unfair I feel to those of you who are so sweet to support me, but in this case I just really feel like I don't have a choice. I also feel like until the rest of my family is in the know I just can't put it out there. Add to it that H and I are starting to feel like the people who cried baby and there you have it.
I'll be able to talk more soon I think and let you in on everything that happened, but for now I just wanted to say thank you for still checking in even when I'm playing hide n' seek (a game I absolutely hate by the way because people sneaking up on me scares the crap out of me).
I'm a girl in her early 30's (I refuse to change this wording by the way...I don't care how old I get) who dreams of the family that I will someday have and desperately want. I have been blessed with a husband who is beyond what I could have ever dreamt for myself, but I'm still waiting on the final piece to our puzzle...a baby. Welcome to my journey. * WARNING * This opening is way sweeter and less sarcastic than what you can expect to get on this blog...seriously, you've been warned.
15 comments:
Um, don't you (and H) EVER feel like "the people who cried baby" at least round these parts :) We love you guys and even though some of us may not be going through the same situation we definitely do understand how "fragile" it can be. Total bummer that this last "possibility" may have fallen through :( I'm sorry to hear that. I had a feeling something was up, but I figured you'd tell us when you were ready. And I totally get keeping things to yourself. But just like your family said, Im sure all of us can say that we'd be willing to experience the hurt a million times over with you just for the chance to support you and pray for you etc. But I DO totally get why you'd want to protect yourselves and people close to you. Keep your heads up :) I'm so glad you guys had a nice relaxing weekend! xo
I understand that you need to keep things to yourself. We are here either way to support you. Hugz!
Its totally understandable to want and need to keep things private. Of course all of your readers will be here to support you anyway we can. Thinking of you and your husband...
I completely understand your desire to keep things private. Just know that we're thinking about you, and I'm sending lots of positive vibes and thoughts your way!
We're here when you're ready, and thinking of you always. I completely understand the desire to keep things personal. You're doing everything you can to cope with this, and whatever it takes, I'm supportive of you. Thinking of you and wishing you the best.
I think it's understandable ... it's like not telling people you're pregnant until you're practically popping out of your clothes, after you've had one (or three) too many miscarriages. I will cross my fingers and other body parts tonight for you, hoping that your week takes a turn for the better.
I hope things are working out for you behind the scenes. Of course it is completely natural to want to make sure you know what's going on before you post.
Just know we're always pulling for you.
You've got me hooked on Weeds btw. Season 5, Episode 5. It's on nonstop in our household. I'm a bit disappointed they changed the theme song.
Tell me NOW damn it!! Just kidding. Love you.
That's what is so great about bloggies - we get it. When you want to share, when you don't want to share -- we are here for you, no judgments, no expectations. And I totally get not wanting to tell anyone, that was how I felt with our last pregnancy. I just didn't feel strong enough to carry the weight of anyone else's hopes and expectations, even if their intentions were nothing but selfless and good. I only just told my mom about that last loss in September a few weeks ago (of course I couldn't keep it secret forever, not from my mom).
And I'm so sorry that you seem to be going through another shit situation, it's beyond unfair. And good god, there is no "crying baby" with adoption, just an honest emotionally intense reality of how these things really go down. I've learned so much from you, and really appreciate what you've shared, as hard as it's been. You're in my thoughts, missy!
((HUGS))
AHA! I had a feeling something was going on. But I didn't want to pry. You and H are in my prayers and thoughts. I know just what you mean about not wanting to tell anyone and have them go through the emotions.
It's so hard to decide when is the right time to let everyone know. It's right for us when it is right for you.
I hope it turns into the opposite of shit! Well I think that would be something weird but ya know what I mean. Good Luck with everything and I think we all know the gaurded feeling all too well.
I've been keeping an eye on you and just want to let you know that we're all here; the good, the bad, the ugly. Whatever you want to share is totally up to you. You have every reason to feel cautious. Wade through this at your own pace.
x0
Makes perfect sense to me. Sending positive thoughts your way.
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